A Syncopated Mind, An Interrupted Heart

We've Moved! :)

2011-02-24T18:06:00.001+08:00

Come visit us at: http://thewisekid.blogspot.com/

Raya With Ayesha

2010-10-19T19:51:00.007+08:00

"Thanks, MommaJett, for the duit Raya" :)

"Do I look cuter when I bite my lip like this?"

"Papa, how much duit Raya do I have now? Can we go to Disneyland already? Should I ask MommaJett for more moola?"

Dough-nut Miss These Spook-tacular Limited-Edition Halloween Treats!

2010-10-18T18:13:00.003+08:00

KRISPY KREME DOUGHUNTS & COFFEE
This Halloween, treat yourself to Krispy Kreme’s ‘spook’tacular limited-edition Halloween doughnuts which include The Skull, The Pumpkin, The Spiderweb & The Halloween Sprinkles.
The Skull is filled with chocolate cream and dipped with yummylicious white chocolate, while The Spiderweb is topped with chocolate and has custard filling.
The Pumpkin’s orange-flavoured chocolate topping goes well its cream filling and The Halloween Sprinkles has orange & chocolate sprinkles to cast a sweet spell on you!
That’s not all!
If you include these 4 Halloween doughnuts into your purchase, you get to grab a handful of trick-or-treat goodies from Krispy Kreme!
Don’t miss out – come over to Krispy Kreme & be spellbound this Halloween!
Duration: 18 – 31 October 2010
Venue: Berjaya Times Square, MidValley Megamall, Sunway Pyramid & Plaza Shah Alam

Jalan-Jalan on Raya 1st

2010-10-18T14:13:00.005+08:00

"I'm kinda sleepy already... can we go home, now?"

"Last picture! No more photos after this! I'm tired!"

"Papa, please help me! Please take me away from GrandDad!!!!"

"so, how did your house become so antique like this?" asked Ayesha, who was trying to have a conversation with the elderly! :p

Sinjapore F1 2010

2010-10-18T13:59:00.001+08:00

No F1 concert this year but there were performances by Lambert, Missy Elliot, Mariah Carey, etc before & after the qualifying & Sunday race.

I only went to one i.e. Lambert. Didn’t stay until finish, anyway.

It amazed me how this dude suspended himself for hours, just like that!

“May I have a picture with you, please?” :)

Webber was somewhere in there! (or, so I had hoped!)

Same old F1. Just glad Webber won! :)

No Raya Photo This Year! Boo!

2010-10-18T13:42:00.001+08:00

Unlike previous years, this year we didn’t do the official salam-salam session, hence no 1st day of Raya photograph!

Frustrated but what to do… time clashes and all sorts. Couldn’t find a time where ALL of us could gather on the 1st day.

Anyhow, picture above is from the 3rd weekend of Raya (also the Sinjapore F1 weekend) Dad had his Open House in his kampung i.e. Pengkalan Ballack!

I feel like ketupat & thick sambal kachang now!

Eh, it’s lunchtime… better go look for food!

Tun M's Open House

2010-10-18T13:21:00.002+08:00

Wei! Huru hara nyeh laaa haiii rambut kena tiup kipas!!!

& why is it that lately, all the pictures from good ol' Lumix camera turned out to be blur?
Time to get a DSLR? or, is it DLSR? I dunno :p
Better still, just stick to Polaroid - Fuji Instant Camera! :)

Birthday Dinner

2010-10-12T18:42:00.003+08:00

can't believe I don't have any pictures to upload here, from my birthday dinner *in shock!*

since I got an instant camera as a present - which i prefer to call it Polaroid, although it isn't Polaroid - i had used it and forgot to take any picture on the digital camera.

i have REALLY nice Polaroid - i mean, instant camera - pictures, though!

all of them are now stuck to my bedroom wall! my favorite corner of the house right now. :)

33 Today & Syukur To No End

2010-10-07T14:48:00.000+08:00

As I was putting on my telekong, I looked out my balcony and saw a group of cars and a van jenazah making their entry into the tanah perkuburan opposite my house.

As I turn 33 today, another family is also observing October 7 with great significance

A family who is crying to the loss of a father, a mother, a brother, a sister.

SubhanAllah.

Moga Dia tempatkan arwah dikalangan orang-orang yang dirahmatiNya.

Thank you, Ya Allah, for 33 years of living.

33 years of rezeki.

33 years of rahmah.

33 years.

MasyaAllah.

Two Peas On Earth

2010-08-24T13:53:00.001+08:00

yes, we have the same baju. it says: PEAS ON EARTH! =)

“MommaJett, since we’ve already got the same top, dya think I can get the same shoe & hand-bag collection as yours, too, please?”

love you, Ayesha.

always.

forever.

She’s Eating Rice Now! =)

2010-08-24T13:15:00.001+08:00

Ayesha Tihani has started on solid (not really!) food.

… and she, of course, loves it! …

way to go, Michelin-girl! ;p

Nothing But A Miracle

2010-08-23T14:09:00.003+08:00

Gettin' tired of livin', livin' for a moment
Gettin' tired of hanging on the line
I wake up every morning and I pull back the curtain
And wonder if it's gonna rain or shine

Gettin' tired of thinking, gettin' so tired of begging
Gettin' tired of forgetting that there's two of us
I'm getting so tired of loving a man that just don't give a damn

Just tell me, tell me baby why I'm holding on
When your lovin's long gone?
I got a good mind so why don't you tell me why
I can't say goodbye

Just tell me baby why I've been holding on for so long?
And nothing but a miracle is gonna bring you back
Bring you back to me now

I gotta get myself together
Gotta stop telling myself that I can do no better
Gotta go out and maybe start meeting some new people
I gotta go out and buy myself one of those little black dresses

'Cause I'm so tired of this T-shirt
I'm so tired of cryin' off all my make up
Gettin just so tired of waking up with a lonely heart
I'm getting so tired of giving a damn about an absent hearted man

Just tell me, tell me baby why I'm holding on
When your lovin's long gone?
I got a good mind so why don't you tell me why
I can't say goodbye

Just tell me baby why I've been holding on for so long?
And nothing but a miracle is gonna bring you back
Bring you back to me now

Oh, I can see it
Coming down the shadows
I can see it, it's coming through
It's coming through the windows

Oh, I can see it
I can see it coming down the ceiling
I can't escape it, can't escape it
No I can't escape it

Tell me, yeah, why I'm holding on
When your love is long gone?
I got a good mind so why don't you tell me why
I can't say goodbye

Just tell me baby why I've been holding on for so long?
And nothing but a miracle is gonna to bring it back
Bring you back to me now

Oh, nothing but a miracle is gonna bring you back to me now
Oh, nothing but a miracle, oh no, no
Oh, nothing but a miracle is gonna bring you back to me now
Oh no

the official video clip: here

Worth Sharing!

2010-08-23T13:48:00.000+08:00

Dicatat oleh Imam Al-Ghazali

Jangan engkau kahwini wanita yang enam iaitu wanita yang Ananah, yang Mananah, dan yang Hananah, dan jangan engkau kahwini yang Hadaqah, yang Baraqah dan yang Syadaqah."

Wanita Ananah : Banyak mengeluh & mengadu dan tiap saat memperalatkan sakit atau buat-buat sakit.

Wanita Mananah : Suka membangkit-bangkit terhadap suami. Wanita ini sering menyatakan, "Aku membuat itu keranamu."

Wanita Hananah : Menyatakan kasih sayangnya kepada suaminya yang lain, yang dikahwininya sebelum ini atau kepada anaknya dari suami yang lain.

Wanita Hadaqah : Melemparkan pandangan dan matanya pada tiap sesuatu, lalu menyatakan keinginannya untuk memiliki barang itu dan memaksa suaminya untuk membelinya.

Wanita Baraqah : Ada 2 makna, pertama yang sepanjang hari mengilatkan dan menghias mukanya, kedua dia marah ketika makan dan tidak mahu makan kecuali sendirian dan diasingkan bahagiannya.

Wanita Syadaqah : Banyak cakap tidak menentu lagi bising.

Stressful Sunday

2010-08-23T10:52:00.003+08:00

... because I had picked to watch these two movies! ...

Highly recommended!
GO.WATCH.NOW.

1670 Days To The First One

2010-08-14T06:55:00.000+08:00

...there's anger, there's disgust, but there's a love...

The Love Of My Life – Ayesha Tihani

2010-08-13T13:16:00.001+08:00

Keeping My Sanity - I

2010-08-13T09:38:00.000+08:00

And at 826 in the freaking morning, you were busy BRIGHTENING someone else's life.

If she wasn't that important in your life, would she be the first thing you thought of when you woke up?

The moment a relationship, a romantic relationship, has more than one woman in it, you are just asking for it!

The key to disaster.

And here's "To brighten up YOUR day"!

Welcome Back, Ramadhan

2010-08-10T18:00:00.002+08:00

The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) addressed his companions on the last day of Sha`ban, saying, "Oh people! A great month has come over you; a blessed month; a month in which is a night better than a thousand months; month in which Allah has made it compulsory upon you to fast by day, and voluntary to pray by night. Whoever draws nearer (to Allah) by performing any of the (optional) good deeds in (this month) shall receive the same reward as performing an obligatory deed at any other time, and whoever discharges an obligatory deed in (this month) shall receive the reward of performing seventy obligations at any other time. It is the month of patience, and the reward of patience is Heaven. It is the month of charity, and a month in which a believer's sustenance is increased. Whoever gives food to a fasting person to break his fast, shall have his sins forgiven, and he will be saved from the Fire of Hell, and he shall have the same reward as the fasting person, without his reward being diminished at all." [Narrated by Ibn Khuzaymah]

Just, How?

2010-08-09T17:47:00.003+08:00

How do men do it when they go home to their wives everyday, yet they feel justified to go for spa with other women?

How do men do it when they profess love to their wives, yet watch porn with other women?

How do men do it when they are on a holiday with their wives, yet can SMS/email other women "wish you were here. miss you"?

How do men do it when they hug and kiss their wives yet they sneak to meet and be with other women?

How do men do it when they are flying back to their wives from a long (or short) business trip, yet can tell other women "i've something to brighten up your day"?

How do men do it when they look at their wives yet all they want is other women's attention?

JUST HOW DO MEN DO THIS?

Above all, feel justified.
And above all, they feel like they have done nothing wrong.
And above all, and worst of all, can still tell their wives, "My feelings for you don't change. I still love you"

With my IQ level of 120 and two Degrees in the bag, I still canNOT possibly comprehend this.

JUST HOW THE BLOODY HELL DO MEN DO IT?

Lately, friends - & strangers alike - have written to me and share their predicament.
And for that, I can never thank you enough.

In times of hardship, the heart feels an extra TLC when a friend - & stranger, alike - opens up to you, to share with you that you are not alone.

It gives you the extra lift to face the day when you know that someone understands.
That someone can relate, and not just criticise.

Trust me, all that have been thru devastating patch will agree with me that it isn't like we don't want to move on already.
Moving on is merely an 8-letter statement.

But to some, turning that 8-letter phrase into action isn't as easy as just saying it.

"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

"When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit."
~ Unknown

"Fall seven times, stand up eight."
~ Japanese Proverb

I Don’t Wear Lipstick & Don’t Live In The Jungle Either :)

2010-08-09T17:17:00.001+08:00

I’ve been watching Lipstick Jungle lately.

Didn’t think I would like that sort of ~~gurlie~~ TV series (I don’t even watch Desperate Housewives or Grey’s Anatomy) until I saw a few episodes on ASTRO.

I was told that LJ stopped at Season 2. Wonder why.

I love the characters and I honestly speaking, can see myself in every one of them.

The characters represent outspoken, vocal, independent, strong (yet mellow in the inside women of today) who, as much as resenting that male homo sapiens are the ~~better~~ more stable creatures, the women are still powerful.

Most of the times, I relate so much to Wendy -- the intense person she is yet she still needs Shane to assures her that things are going to be OK, when they aren’t.

The part that touches me so much about Wendy & Shane’s relationship is when, each time Shane says “Come here” to Wendy, she ‘melts’ and she knows there will always be someone there for her when things don’t go so dandy, no matter how independent they both are.

Does it make me ~~lousy romantic~~ cockamamie if I admit that every Shane calls out “come here” to Wendy, I feel like jumping into his arms, instead? :p

Sometimes, I think I’m more Victory Ford.

Individualistic and my love life is a constant wreck!

And... Nico Reily... who doesn’t want to be Nico Reily, right? But Charles, her ~~cheating~~ late husband. Can you imagine being married to someone so long, and for the same amount of time, he has someone else on his mind, in his heart and eventually, had a baby with? Men, I tell you… are all bastards! Pardon my French.

Oh, well…

Anywho, here’s a particular scene where I loved the script the most – when Nico just came back from having her vibrating vajayjay:

Wendy: Why would you do this?

Nico: Because I can’t be lying next to my husband thinking about someone else anymore. I’m trying to get back what Charles and I had when we first met. This may not be the whole answer, Wendy, but it’s a start.

Wendy: Wouldn’t it be easier to tell him the truth? Come on, honey, you and Charles have been together a long time. it’s not like you haven’t had your suspicions about him and his fawning co-eds. Maybe he’s got some sins of his own to confess. If you both come clean, you can move on.

Now, how many of you can REALLY move on after being betrayed?

Now I Know

2010-08-04T20:35:00.001+08:00

Now I understand why I was never part of your world
Cos you had a secret world you so badly had to hide from me.

The Worst Is To Be EMOTIONALLY Cheated

2010-08-04T19:12:00.004+08:00

SO want to blog but didn't have the time.

Work is just overwhelming these days (I do REAL work, not Facebooking or flirting online and claim that I'm busy OK!) - I SERIOUSLY need an assistant & most importantly, A BREAK!

I will try (trying leaves room for failure, someone told me once) and make time to write.
I need to write.

Anyways, I came across some "interesting" articles, here and here

SO much to write on this subject.

Time will come and I shall write.

In the meanwhile, share me your thoughts on the subject :)

Gotta run... I'm SO late for badminton! :)

Come & Have A Sandwich With Me =)

2010-08-04T15:23:00.003+08:00

still scared

2010-08-01T00:45:00.007+08:00

i thought about it before i left to check out the pinoy market, actually.
i surveyed around.
but just before i made the payment, i told myself "have a little more faith that he is actually trustworthy"

i knew i should have hired the private investigator.

but, i knew too, that God was my utmost reliable private investigator.
i prayed to Him every single day to show me if he was dishonest.
then, came 110610.

still struggling.

still writing to heal.

Original: 'till i see you again

2010-08-01T00:39:00.002+08:00

I guess, for you to be able to write a beautiful love story, you would have to be in one.

I was reading The Choo-Choo Train (again, yes. I told you I miss The Choo-Choo Train) and came across the following entry.

I have to say that even I had to rub my chest after reading this story.
Sad, man, really.

& just FYI, the story was written when someone was suffering on the dentist's chair.

'till i see you again
They finally picked a place. It was a rather intimate venue. For a rather intimate do. They had scout for a place for almost 6 months and nothing was ever agreeable between the two, until this one. He wanted somewhere convenient for everyone. She wanted somewhere cosy for her ultimate day.

They picked the theme color together, albeit it didn’t please everyone . The decor was just like what they’d envisaged together. They didn’t need a planner, everything was done between them, themselves.

The serene entrance which leads to where they would be standing as husband and wife was blissfully lit; you just couldn’t miss the love that fills the air.

Perfect was perhaps an understatement, for the ambience.

The night was a flawless navy blue. The breeze that was blanketing the night seemed as though they too, had cooperated well. Everything, every single thing was picture perfect.

He stood there, poised. Just how everyone had expected.

But there was something about his unruffled presence that was disturbing.

He stood there longer than what was required of him.

When the signal to walk forward by the father of the bride was ignored, heads turned to look back. Over everybody’s shoulders, stood an impeccably dressed groom.

The one piece of the night that nearly completed the entire perfectness.

“she knew she was dying”, was all that he could afford to say without even moving any muscle other than his jaw.

And a letter felt out of his right palm.

I couldn’t bank on your mother’s eternal protest about us being together because I knew it deep down, that one day; you would still make me your bride.

So, I planned my dream wedding. My sumptuous dream wedding.

Our tastes differ to a certain extent --- so I’d noticed. I like everything subtle and sweet , you love it bold and leave it all up to me, so don’t say that I hadn’t given in too ok --- but having each other shows that we have the best taste of ‘em all.

I’m sure you’re wondering what’s the meaning of it all when in the end, tonight... you would be standing there, reading this.

You would never understand what it was like to drag my feet and plan my wedding which I knew I wasn’t able to attend. But I had to do it.

I am not going to say sorry for the arguments over which best friend of yours should be the best man, over which ice sculpture should be in the middle of the garden, over which band should get the honor of playing on our very special night [I seriously hope it isn’t your friend's band that is standing under the marquee tonight], over which sampin looks better on you.

I am not, because for not being there tonight, those are the closest fondest memories I get to keep.

I am not going to apologize for keeping this a secret, either.

Because it is a secret, you have treated me and us as typically as I would have expected. And for every 1425 days we spent together, I am blessed that it has been a secret. I wouldn’t have known what it was like to go as a “normal” person if it wasn’t. Believe me; I know what it is like to go as someone who was battling.

All that “special treatment” one gets when others know that one is dying just wasn’t in my to-do-before-I-die list. But being married to you, was.

Every time we tick one thing off our wedding preparation list, I felt like I was already married to you. I knew I wasn’t going to be there to see the final outcome of everything we had planned together but I had imagined the whole scenario in my head so hard that it probably worsen the tumor! But don’t worry, my doctor ensured me that the last 6 months was the calmest time of my life. I didn’t even have one attack!

I had imagined myself in the dress I picked, being under the gazebo with you holding my hands, looking into each other’s eyes, trying to keep the moment on a standstill. Everything was beautiful. Do know that that would be the last thing I had in mind tonight too.

Tell my sisters that there is no word --- goodness! I never knew constructing this sentence for them would build a big boulder in my throat! --- of gratitude would ever express my gratefulness for all their help with the wedding. You know that I would miss them the most!

So, now that everyone is there, all our closest and dearest friends and relatives, I want you to tell them that you have been fooled by your bride who couldn’t be there under unavoidable reason. I am sure they would understand my absence and would excuse me.

Everyone that is there has touched my life, our lives in one way or another. Please thank them for me for being part of tonight and make sure they too celebrate our love. My life.

I am going to miss you till hell freezes over – I hope I’m not heading there now, though – and promise me you will take care of yourself as I had, unfortunately for us I just couldn’t hang in there for another day. It would have been a lot different if I could have stayed until tomorrow but I think this is best. I’d saved you the trouble of inviting the same faces to my funeral.

And thanks for agreeing with me that a garden wedding was the most perfect “so me” do and don’t forget the fireworks! I promise to watch it from here.

‘til I see you again.

Almost immediately, the fireworks display started and he could feel her there, smiling at him, as she always does when there are fireworks.
Posted by Angelita Atractivo at 10:55:00 AM 3 comments

When Sleeping Together Is Too Cute

2010-07-31T23:26:00.002+08:00

“OK, lemme think whether it’s right for a 4-month old to sleep with a 3-month old…”

“What do you think, MommaJett?”

“Hey, you… what do you think? Is it OK that we share a pillow?”

“OK, enough thinking already… Come, let’s just sleep. Not like we’re gonna do anything, just hold hands…”

“I said hold hands! Not put your hands across my face!” ;p

The (Li’l) Faces That Make Me Happy

2010-07-31T22:57:00.001+08:00

“Hey, mom… I think MommaJett is taking MY picture…. errm, not yours…”

Doesn’t Ayesha look like she is dancing in this photo?

“To the right, to the left… C’mon everyone….”

“Can we have some music here, please?”

“Hey, do you wanna dance with me, too?”

“OK, all together now… move your shoulder to the right… to the left…. shake your body, too”

26072010

2010-07-31T22:28:00.003+08:00

Abang – ironically who is actually my baby brother – celebrated his 22nd birthday recently.

Like father, like son… hopefully not! ;)

Abang wanted ~~western food~~ steak... So, his 22nd birthday dinner was at Senses, Hilton. I was happy not to be the organizer this time, only the cake provider!

Nana did all the booking and inviting, methinks. Well-done, Na.

No, that wasn’t the ‘peace’ sign.

It was for 22! :)

Hope you had a good one, Abang! xox

I Miss You Choo-Choo Train

2010-07-26T14:32:00.002+08:00

to be quite honest, i miss ~~my old blog~~ The Choo-Choo Train That Never Stops.

Yesterday was The Choo-Choo Train That Never Stops’ 5th birthday and i missed it.

i went through some of the postings a while ago.

i surely had written A LOT on love, on life, on friendship, almost everything under the sun.

(was even ~~impressed~~ stunned that I could write those beautiful entries! wow!)

and the pictures, are simply priceless.

there were entries where only he had commented on.

and The Choo-Choo Train That Never Stop brought us together.

God, i really miss The Choo-Choo Train That Never Stop.

happy 5th birthday, my beloved.

Happy Birthday, Bro

2010-07-26T13:39:00.004+08:00

My baby brother is 22 today.
(I can't even remember what my 22nd year was like)

Abang, hope it'll be a super-terrific 22 for you & fabulous 365 days ahead!
Love you lots, always.

Wonderful Weekend To You & Me

2010-07-23T13:38:00.002+08:00

Saw these two last weekend.

I enjoyed Despicable Me very much.
From now on, I'm going to call Ayesha 'Agnes'
Go watch the movie to know why! ;)

(I just won't allow her to believe in unicorn or to even like unicorns! ;p there is one particular unicorn which I hate most, btw! Unicorns, like mermaids, are myth.)

I'm looking forward to a fun nice weekend, insyaAllah.
Wishing that you have a happy one, too.
InsyaAllah :)

Diamonds – Do I Have To Say More?

2010-07-22T19:39:00.001+08:00

Lately, I have this strange urge to buy...erm, diamond.

OK, it is the MOST ridiculous thing to purchase EVEN under the pretext of healing a broken heart, OK I get it! :p

But, some feelings - like love & hate - you simply cannot resist (you know I'm just trying my luck to convince you and justify my unusual desire, right? :p :p)

I even have a particular diamond ring - of course! - in my head that I want to buy but I think this 'imaginary' diamond ring of mine is custom-made.

No jeweller would have it.

Anyhow, one of the jewellery shops in my office building is having their 55th Anniversary promotion now and almost everything in the shop is up to 70%(YES! SEVENTY percent!) off!

I didn't know it until I dared myself to walk into the shop and fought against one half of me which kept saying, "you know you are going to regret it if you walk into the shop! you know it"

If men can't resist sexy women, I can't resist myself from walking into a jewellery shop especially when I have been having this urge to buy diamond!

Imagine, for a ring that would have cost you RM12K+++, after 70% discount… it would be about RM3K++

Even I’m not good with math KNOW that, that is a damn good bargain.

Come, ~~buy diamond~~ WRITE & YOU SHALL HEAL! :p

(but if you see something super-shiny on my index finger one of these days, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you, OK! :p Hey, if no one would buy you diamonds, YOU deserve to buy ‘em yourself OK!)

My Doa For You

2010-07-22T19:10:00.002+08:00

My doa is that NO ONE will ever feel the sadness I felt recently.

It is too unbearable, I really pray NO ONE will ever have to go through that state of sadness.

Although the feeling revisits me every now and then these days, I am fighting it my utmost best, so it won't bring me down as it did before.

Thank you so very much to all my friends - and strangers alike - for all your support and well-wishes.
Only Allah can repay your kind thoughts for me.

Meet In Tha Middle

2010-07-19T14:36:00.001+08:00

We fuss we fight your fault my fault
we was on the same team least thats what i thought
we both participated only i got caught
now we hardly conversatin' baby, we don't talk
it was fun at first, you can't say im wrong
now you wanna talk about it? too late, im gone
your mad at me cos i dont wanna play your games
i ain't perfect but imma do my thing
we gotta meet in the middle

you here im there,
tell me whats the sence in me trying if you dont care?
this relationship is heading to who knows where
that means one of us got to chose, because
you hurt me, and i hurt you,
you complain about the things that i dont do
i dont wanna take the blame neither do you,
because we got too much to loose

we gotta meet in the middle
meet in the middle
we gotta gotta meet in the middle
gotta compromise
baby don't analyse
we need to see eye to eye, so lets meet in the middle
we gotta meet in the middle
we gotta gotta meet in the middle
we gotta compromise
we gotta work it out this time
we need to see eye to eye
so lets meet in the middle

We got somethin we can't enjoy
im sick of you tryin to play with me like i'm your toy
hm,
you tried to run game i saw,
we gotta lotta issues you got yours, we gotta meet in the middle
you cant talk that shit,
you cant travel to the future if you walk backwards
once you walk out the door, you cant walk back in
we gotta find a way to solve it, think about our kids
cos they in the middle
you wanna sing that song?
you want me to cop that plead and say ok im wrong?
things are gettin heavy but i gotta stay strong
i try to talk it over with you when i coulda been gone because
you hurt me, and i hurt you,
you complain about the things that i dont do
and i dont wanna take the blame neither do you
because we got too much to loose

we gotta meet in the middle
meet in the middle
we gotta gotta meet in the middle
gotta compromise
baby don't analyse
we need to see eye to eye, so lets meet in the middle
we gotta meet in the middle
we gotta gotta meet in the middle
we gotta compromise
we gotta work it out this time
we need to see eye to eye
so lets meet in the middle

i told you once, i told you twice
and now my shoulders cold, like a block of ice
you playin games like you rollin dice
hey what you know about sacrifice?
baby ive been in the middle..
ive been givin you more than a little
had the ball then you double dribble
i guess that love is a riddle..
you never listen i dont ever get my point across
i washed ya dirty draws, you out with dirty broads
you did me dirty dawg, cos yous a dirty dog,
its a quit n call, and i aint mad at all
i gave you more than you deserve, i was worth it all
bottom line i hope you find what you searchin for
you hurt me, said i hurt you
and i complain about the things that you dont do
and i dont wanna take the blame neither do you
we got too much to lose...

we gotta meet in the middle
meet in the middle
we gotta gotta meet in the middle
gotta compramise
baby don't analyse
we need to see eye to eye, so lets meet in the middle
we gotta meet in the middle
we gotta gotta meet in the middle
we gotta compromise
we gotta work it out this time
we need to see eye to eye
so lets meet in the middle

-----------

Did Timbaland had ME in mind when he wrote this song? :p

Healing The Heart = Crashing The Bank Account!

2010-07-19T12:43:00.002+08:00

The road to recovery is full of retail therapy

And I’m not complaining! =)

TUMI makes nice bags

Nice bags make me smile

The only purchase I regretted so much this weekend was that black T from British India!

What the heck are people in British India thinking when they did the pricing for that black T???

It’s as obscene as pricing nasik lemak + telor rebus separuh + 5 bijik kacang + 3 ikan bilis + 2 helai kangkong at RM18.90, OK!!!

Next target is that marroon Mary Jane from Ferragamo!

After 50% discount pun still can’t afford to buy it now…

Do people get mid-year bonus? ;p ;p ;p

Love The Way You Lie

2010-07-16T19:55:00.001+08:00

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 1 - Eminem]
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight all I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight

High off of love, drunk from my hate
It's like I'm huffin' paint and I love her
The more I suffer, I suffocate
Right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates
Me, she fuckin' hates me and I love it, Wait!
Where you going? I'm leaving you.
No you ain't. Come back. We're running right back

Here we go again, it's so insane
'Cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind in his back
She's Lois Lane, but when it's bad, it's awful
I feel so ashamed, I snapped, "Who's that dude?"
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 2 - Eminem]
You ever love somebody so much,
you could barely breathe when you with 'em?
You meet, and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah, them chills, used to get 'em
Now you gettin' fuckin' sick of lookin' at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit 'em
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're with 'em

It's the fate that took over, it controls you both
So they say, you're best to go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know you 'cause today,
That was yesterday, yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over
But you promised her, next time you'd show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it "window pane"

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 3 - Eminem]
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded

Baby, please come back, it wasn't you, Baby, it was me.
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won't be no next time
I apologize, even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games, I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again,
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm just gonna

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

------------

Never really liked Eminem - he's a white boy trying so hard to be black? - but this is one awesome song.

Btw, if you can't believe 'em, just love the way they lie.

Syukur Alhamdulillah

2010-07-15T14:40:00.003+08:00

albeit the hardship and the tough time i'm struggling to cope with
He sends me down more endless blessings.

thank you so much for my rezeki.
thank you so much for everything that i am.
that i have today.
that i won't have tomorrow.
that i didn't have yesterday.
that you shall give in the future.
and, those you're going to take.

no words can describe my indebtedness.
i am tremendously humbled.
syukur alhamdulillah.

Read & You'll Know How To Cope

2010-07-15T14:24:00.002+08:00

I was in BORDERS a couple of days back.
Had to look for some parenting book for the li'l sister.

When I passed by the Self-Improvement shelf, this book was shouting at me!

I haven't finished reading it yet but so far... it is so spot-on.

The best investment for this month. Really.

1580 Days

2010-07-14T07:11:00.000+08:00

That's too long a time to just brush aside
Too long a time to simply be forgotten

... and they live happily ever after ...

2010-07-12T21:19:00.000+08:00

Nowadays, whenever I see a happy-looking couple holding hands walking by me, I say a prayer for them.

It's just a nice feeling.

After all, if happiness can't be yours, doesn't mean it is not anyone else's. :)

Pupus.

2010-07-12T12:32:00.001+08:00

Aku tak mengerti
Apa yang ku rasa
Rindu yang tak pernah
Begitu hebatnya
Aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tahu
Meski kau tak'kan pernah tahu

Aku persembahkan hidupku untukmu
Telah kurelakan hatiku padamu
Namun kau masih bisu
Diam seribu bahasa
Dan hati kecilku bicara

Baru ku sadari
Cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan
Kau buat remuk seluruh hatiku

Semoga waktu akan mengilhami
sisi hatimu yang beku
Semoga akan datang keajaiban
Hingga akhirnya kau pun mau

Aku mencintaimu
Lebih dari yang kau tahu
Meski kau tak'kan pernah tahu

-----------

Now, I know why this has always been my song.

Exactly A Month Ago

2010-07-11T23:47:00.001+08:00

All this while I told Allah, that He is the only one that can take care of my wary heart
That if he was being untrue to me, Allah will one day show it to me of his (dis)honesty
Exactly a month ago
Allah, the Al-Mighty, the Only One that knows it all, the Only One that knows everything, from the hidden and those of not, showed me what I have been praying for.
I was presented this huge challenge
And I redha.
Along our lives, we might have abandoned Him once too many
And for that I am tremendously humiliated. Embarrassed.
I wouldn't question His decision and justification for Allah only does things with good intentions
But I wouldn't have a clue how to cope with the challenge or how to hande it if it wasn't for Him, either

Exactly a month ago
He had presented me the proof before my eyes
The things I needed know to judge what these last 4 and a half years have been
I still don't know what to do with it
And only He knows best.

Exactly a month ago
I knew what I've been wanting to know
And all the while I thought it was unpretentious.
And I was wrong.

Exactly a month ago
I finally knew that you were untrue.
Not even to yourself.
And that is the saddest part of it.

Exactly a month ago.
I set my heart never to trust again
But only in Allah, I shall place my trust
For there is no power or might that is greater than Allah's.

Exactly a month ago.
I was left with a scar that shall remain for the rest of my life.
And if nothing prevails, that will be the only thing you have ever given me.

Write & I Shall Heal.

Defying 3 New Shoes

2010-07-09T23:27:00.002+08:00

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you won't bring me down!
bring me down!

--------------

Thanks for the company tonight. :)
Your lateness meant 3 pairs of new shoes for me :)
Next time, can we have dinner at KLCC, maybe?
There's Ferragamo in KLCC *grin*

Where Do You Find These People, Lorr!?

2010-07-09T16:53:00.002+08:00

Interview - Candidate Three

Yours truly: ... so, do you know Krispy Kreme? ...

Candidate Three: ... yah... yah...

Yours truly: ... have you tried any of our products? ...

Candidate Three: ... yah... yah...

Yours truly: ... how did you find them? ...

Candidate Three: ... i didn't find. my friend buy the doughnut, I taste only lorr...

Yours truly almost wanted to say, "Yeah, I don't expect you to find Krispy Kreme products by the roadside, right?"

Yours truly is running out of patience.

Then, You Are Not The One

2010-07-07T14:09:00.002+08:00

If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me, then why does this distance name my life?
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with

And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss your body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breath you into my heart
And I pray for the strength to stand today

'Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And though my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

-----------

Got meh, guys who are so jiwang like this? :p

Original: ...Learn Slowly, Ok...

2010-07-07T13:49:00.001+08:00

Tuesday, January 30, 2007
...Learn Slowly, Ok...
How do you learn to trust again?
Slowly but surely?
When does it go away?
All doubts , suspicion , wariness.

How do you learn to trust again?
You isolate yourself hence you won’t get hurt?
When does the grief fade away?
The wish that it could’ve been deleted in your diary.

How do you learn to trust again?
The voice of your head echoes to give the gut
The voice of your heart weeps once in a while
Trust.
It changes everything.
Everything.

How do you learn to trust again?
Posted by Angelita Atractivo at 3:33:00 AM

-------

this was also from The Choo-Choo Train That Never Stops.
so, i had been hurt once too many.

Original: Uptight Apetite

2010-07-07T13:46:00.001+08:00

Friday, January 12, 2007
Uptight Appetite
I got my appetite back since Koh-Oh-Samui?
You think so?
I dunno.
I did lose some pounds, I guess.
That was because of your Sept 13th dinner.

Please don’t spoil my appetite again.
Please?

Of course you know how not to.
Just no repetition of a moron’s act.
i.e. a dinner with another when you’ve “never been happier”
A special 12-year old scotch present shiite.
You know the rest.

I can find a strand in a fantastis pineapple juice.
I would very much hate it if I were to find out another antic.
I am not up for another test.

Please don’t spoil my appetite again.
Please.
Posted by Angelita Atractivo at 10:59:00 PM

-------

this was from The Choo-Choo Train That Never Stops.
oh, i do write well :p

home is where the heart is

2010-07-07T13:10:00.003+08:00

three years flew so fast.
i have lived 3 years under that roof.
that is my home.
that is where i belong.

three years flew so fast.
the place i called home has seen so much.
so much of me.
of me in times of happiness.
and otherwise.

three years flew so fast.
the so many dishes i had enjoyed cooking in that little kitchen i designed my own.
the swing only i had, i have it on the balcony.
every little touch i had for the place i called home, were touches of love.
love for the place i call home.

three years flew so fast.
thank you God for the home i have the last three years.

Scarred For Life

2010-07-07T13:04:00.003+08:00

someone told me this yesterday...

"never belittle your spouse in any circumstances. coz words can't be taken back. it will scar forever"

never belittle your spouse under any circumstance.
not even "just one of those conversations"
not even when you're extremely angry or frustrated.

it will scar forever.
for ever.

SubhanAllah.

Is Can'ts Stands This Anymores!

2010-07-07T12:43:00.000+08:00

Interview - Candidate Two

Yours truly: ... while I go through your resume, tell me something about yourself that isn't on the paper...

Candidate Two: ... errm, Is comes froms Kepongs...

Yours truly: *had a hard time trying NOT to laugh* so, what do you know about the brand?

Candidate Two: ... errmm, Krispys Kremes is news ins Malaysias...

Yours truly: *struggling to maintain a straight face* ... erm, how many Malaysias are there in the world?

Candidate Two gave the Interviewer a sinister look as if the Interviewer didn't know that there is ONLY ONE Malaysia in the entire planet!

Writes & Is Shalls Heals!

I Don't Have Market!

2010-07-06T19:02:00.000+08:00

Interview - Candidate One

Yours truly: ... so, tell me something about yourself that is not on the paper... *smile*

Candidate One: *thinking hard, with eyes shut*

*silence*

1 minute 59 seconds later, yours truly couldn't tahan to waste time for an answer

Yours truly: ... y'know you can tell me anything... your hobby... your favorite color... anything... *still similing*

Candidate One: *still not saying anything, stared back at the Interviewer as if she was speaking in an alien language*

1 minute 57 seconds later...

Yours truly: ... still can't say anything about yourself that is not on the paper? ... *pause*

Candidate One: *unresponsive*

Yours truly: ... how do you want to market a brand when you can't even market yourself?

Candidate One: *blink, blink, blink - indicating to the Interviewer that she had something to say now*.... i don't have market.

Yours truly couldn't help it but to comment:
"of course you don't. Taman Tun has a market"

:)

Write & I Shall ... errm, Have Market? :p

Sometimes, Love Just Ain't Enough sigh

2010-07-06T18:51:00.000+08:00

I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side. I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

If Only I Have The Courage To Do This

2010-07-01T22:39:00.000+08:00

I bust the windows out your car
And no, it didn't mend my broken heart
I'll probably always have these ugly scars
But right now, I don't care about that part

I bust the windows out your car
After I saw you laying next to her
I didn't wanna but I took my turn
I'm glad I did it 'cause you had to learn

I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you'd feel when you saw it
I didn't know that I had that much strength
But I'm glad you see what happens when

You see you can't just play with people's feelings
Tell them you love them and don't mean it
You'll probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile

I bust the windows out your car
You know I did it 'cause I left my mark
Wrote my initials with a crowbar
And then I drove up into the dark

I bust the windows out your car
You should feel lucky that was all I did
After 5 whole years of this bull****
Gave you all of me and you played with it

I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you'd feel when you saw it
I didnkt know that I had that much strength
But I'm glad you see what happens when

You see you can't just play with people's feelings
Tell them you love them and don't mean it
You probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile

[Incomprehensible] out your car
But it don't come back to my broken heart
You could never feel how I felt that day
Until it happens, baby, you don't know pain

Oh yeah, I did it, you should know it
I ain't sorry, you deserved it
After what you did to me
You deserved it, I ain?t sorry no, no

You broke my heart, so I broke your car
You caused me pain, so I did the same
Even though what you did to me was much worse
I had to do something to make you hurt

Oh, but why am I still crying?
Why am I the one who's still crying?
Oh, oh, you really hurt me, baby
You really, really hurt me, baby

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Now, watch me you
Now, watch me you
I bust the windows out your car

A Passage from Dua Kumayl

2010-07-01T21:38:00.000+08:00

“But now I have turned to Thee, my Lord, after being guilty of omissions and transgressions against my soul, apologetically, repentantly, broken heartedly, entreating earnestly for forgiveness, yieldingly confessing (to my guilt), as I can find no escape from that which was done by me and having no refuge to which I could turn except seeking Thy acceptance of my excuse and admitting me into the realm of Thy capacious mercy.

O Allah! Accept my apology and have pity on my intense sufferings and set me free from my heavy fetters (of evil deeds).

My Nourisher! Have mercy on the infirmity of my body, the delicacy of my skin and the brittleness of my bones.

O’ Thou! Who originated my creation and (accorded me) my individuality, and (ensured) my upbringing and welfare (and provided) my sustenance (I beg Thee) to restore Thy favours and blessings upon me as Thou didst in the beginning of my life.

O’ my God! My Master! My Lord! And my Nourisher! What! Wilt Thou see me punished with the fire kindled by Thee despite my belief in Thy unity? And despite the fact that my heart has been filled with (pure) knowledge of Thee and when my tongue has repeatedly praised Thee and my conscience has acknowledged Thy love and despite my sincere confessions (of my sins) and my humble entreaties submissively made to Thy divinity?

Nay, Thou art far too kind and generous to torment one whom thyself nourished and supported, or to drive away from Thyself one whom Thou has kept under Thy protection, or to scare away one whom Thy self hast given shelter, or to abandon in affliction one Thou hast maintained and to whom Thou hast been merciful.

I wish I had known o’ my Master, my God and my Lord! Wilt Thou inflict fire upon faces which have submissively bowed in prostration to Thy greatness, or upon the tongues which have sincerely confirmed Thy unity and have always expressed gratitude to Thee, or upon hearts which have acknowledged Thy divinity with conviction, or upon the minds which accumulated so much knowledge of Thee until they became submissive to Thee, or upon the limbs which strove, at the places appointed for Thy worship, to adore Thee willingly and seek Thy forgiveness submissively?

Such sort (of harshness) is not expected from Thee as it is remote from Thy grace, O’ Generous One!

O’ Lord! Thou art aware of my weakness to bear even a minor affliction of this world and its consequence and adversity affecting the denizen of this earth, although such afflictions are momentary, short-lived and transient.

How then can I bear the retributions and the punishments of the hereafter which are enormous and of intensive sufferings, of prolonged period and perpetual duration, and which shall never be alleviated for those who deserve the same as those retributions will be the result of Thy wrath; and Thy punishment which neither the heavens nor the earth can withstand and bear!

My Lord! How can I, a weak, insignificant, humble, poor and destitute creature of Thine be able to bear them?

O’ my God! My Lord! My King! And Master! Which of the matters shall I complain to Thee and for which of them shall I bewail and weep?

Shall I bewail for the pains and pangs of the punishment and their intensity or for the length of sufferings and their duration?

Therefore (my Lord!) If Thou wilt subject me to the penalties (of hell) in company of Thy enemies and cast me with those who merited Thy punishments and tear me apart from Thy friends and those who will be near to Thee, then my God, my Lord and my Master, though I may patiently bear Thy punishments, how can I endure separation from Thee?

If I may be able to patiently endure the scorching fire of Thy hell, yet how can I endure not gazing upon Thy generosity? How can I remain in the fire while I have hopes of Thy forgiveness?

O’ my Lord! By Thy honour truly do I swear that, if Thou wilt allow my power of speech to be retained by me in the hell, I shall amongst its inmates cry out bewailingly unto Thee like the cry of those who have faith in Thy kindness and compassion.

And I shall bemoan for Thee (for being deprived of nearness to Thee) the lamentation of those who are bereaved, and I shall keep on calling unto Thee:

“Where art Thou O’ Friend of the believers! [Ya Waliyal Momineen]

O’ (Thou who art) the last resort and the ultimate goal of those who acknowledge Thee [Ya Ghayata Aamalil 'Aarefeen];

O’ Thou who art the helper of those seeking help! [Ya Ghiyathal Mustaghetheen]

O’ Thou who art dear to the hearts of those who truly believe in Thee! [Ya Habiba Quloobis Sadeqeen]

And O’ Thou who art the Lord of the universe [Ya Ilahal 'Aalameen].”

My Lord! Glory and praise be to Thee, wouldst Thou (wish) to be seen (disregarding) the voice of Thy slave, incarcerated therein (the hell) for his disobedience and imprisoned within its pits for his evildoings and misdeeds, crying out to Thee the utterance of one who has faith in Thy mercy and calling out to Thee in the language of those who believe in Thy Tawheed [the One, the Creator, the Nourisher, the Accomplisher, and the Protector of the entire existence] and seeking to approach Thee by means of Thy Lordship?

My Lord! Then how could he remain in torments when he hopefully relies upon Thy past forbearance, compassion and mercy?

And how can the fire cause him suffering when he hopes for Thy grace and mercy and how can its roaring flames burn him when Thou hearest his voice and sees his plight? And how can he withstand its roaring flames when Thou knowest his frailness? And how can he be tossed about between its layers when Thou knowest his sincerity? And how can the guards of hell threaten him when he calls out to Thee?

“My Lord”, and how would Thou abandon him therein (the hell) when he has faith in Thy Grace to set him free?

Alas! That is not the concept (held by us) of Thee nor has Thy Grace such a reputation nor does it resemble that which Thou hast awarded by Thy kindness and generosity to those who believe in Thy Tawheed.

I definitely conclude that hadst Thou not ordained punishment for those who disbelieved in Thee, and hadst Thou not decreed Thy enemies to remain in hell, Thou wouldst have made the hell cold and peaceful and there would never have been an abode or place for any one in it; but sanctified be Thy Names, Thou hast sworn to fill the hell with the disbelievers from amongst the jinns and hummankind together and to place forever Thy enemies therein.

And Thou, exalted be Thy praises, hadst made manifest, out of Thy generosity and kindness, that ‘the one who has submitted is not equal to the one who has not.’

My Lord! My Master! I, therefore implore Thee by that power which Thou determineth and by the decree which Thou hast finalised and ordained whereby Thou hath prevailed upon whom Thou hast imposed it, to bestow upon me this night and this very hour the forgiveness for all the transgressions that I have been guilty of, for all the sins that I have committed, for all the loathsome acts that I have kept secret and for all the evils done by me, secretly or openly, in concealment or outwardly and for every evil action that Thou hast ordered the two noble scribes to confirm whom Thou hast appointed to record all my actions and to be witnesses over me along with the limbs of my body, whilst Thou observeth over me besides them and wast witness to those acts concealed from them? Which Thou in Thy mercy hast kept secret and through Thy kindness unexposed.

And I pray to Thee to make my share plentiful in all the good that Thou dost bestow; in all the favours that Thou dost grant; and in all the virtues that Thou dost allow to be known everywhere; and in all the sustenance and livelihood that Thou dost expand and in respect of all the sins that Thou dost forgive and the wrongs that Thou dost cover up.

O’ Lord! O’ Lord! O’ Lord! O’ my God! My Lord! My Master! O’ Owner of my existence! O’ Thou who holdeth my destiny and who art aware of my suffering and poverty, O’ Thou who knoweth my destitution and starvation, o’ my Lord! O’ Lord, o’ Lord!

I beseech Thee by Thy glory and Thy honour, by Thy supremely high attributes and by Thy names to cause me to utilise my time, day and night, in Thy remembrance, by engaging myself in serving Thee (Thy cause) and to let my deeds be such as to be acceptable to Thee, so much so that all my actions and offerings (prayers) may be transformed into one continuous and sustained effort and my life may take the form of constant and perpetual service to Thee [wird'un waahida=unified litany].

O’ my Master! O’ Thou upon Whom I rely! O’ Thou unto Whom I express my distress! O’ my Lord! My Lord! My Lord! Strengthen my limbs for Thy service and sustain the strength of my hands to persevere in Thy service and bestow upon me the eagerness to fear Thee [Khash-yatik - internalizing His Presence in the heart] and unceasing continuity to serve Thee.

So that I may lead myself towards Thee in the field with those who are in the fore-rank and be swift towards Thee among those who hasten towards Thee and urge eagerly to be near Thee and draw myself towards Thee like them who sincerely draw themselves towards Thee and to fear Thee like the fear of those who believe firmly in Thee and thus I may join the congregation of the faithful congregated near Thee (for protection).”

I'm Sick Of Being Sad

2010-06-30T18:33:00.000+08:00

i am a slave to my emotions
i cannot fake what i don't feel.
neither can i fake what i do feel.

i am sick of being sad, too.
but this is not a gimmick.

all the sadness, anger, guilt and fear
i wish for them to disappear.
for this is not me.
and as much as i miss the world & you, i miss me more.

to fully heal,
i cannot bury or ignore these emotions.
this healing process takes time.
i need to give my heart time to heal.
but i am not sure how much time i have left.

at times, i thought i got over it
but waves of sadness, anger, guilt and fear keep coming back.
and i hate it when they do.

just waking up is a struggle
that is why i know i am not me.

i beat myself for being weak
but who is the tough cookie?

get me out of this.
i am sick of being sad.

Separuh Jiwaku Pergi

2010-06-30T18:08:00.000+08:00

Memang indah semua
Tapi berakhir luka

Benar ku mencintaimu
Tapi tak begini
Kau khianati hati ini
Kau curangi aku

Kau bilang tak pernah bahagia
Selama dengan aku
Itu ucap bibirmu
Kau dustakan semua
Yang kita bina
Kau hancurkan semua

---------------------------

When a friend asked me to listen to this song this afternoon, it was like poking a blunt HB pencil right through my chest.

O God
Give me the courage to accept things I can't change
Give me the courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Even Superman Has Only Lois Lane! :p

2010-06-30T13:53:00.000+08:00

Early in the morning I put breakfast at your table,
and make sure that your coffee has its sugar and cream
Your eggs are overeasy, your toast unlikely,
all that's missing is your morning kiss that used to greet me
Now you say the juice is sour, it used to be so sweet,
and I can't help but to wonder if you're talking about me
We don't talk the way we used to talk, it's hurting so deep,
I've got my pride, I will not cry, but it's making me weak
I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down,
and think that everything is okay
Boy I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me

I fought my way through the rush hour trying to make it home just for you
I want to make sure that your dinner will be waiting for you
But when you get there, you just tell me you're not hungry at all,
you said you'd rather read the paper and you don't want to talk
You like to think that I'm just crazy when I say that you've changed,
I'm convinced I know the problem, you don't love me the same
You're just going through the motions and you're not being fair,
I've got my pride, I will not cry, still I can't help but care

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
and think that everything is okay
Boy I am only human...(I'm only human)
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
and think that everything is okay
Boy I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me

Oooh, baby
Look into the corners of your mind,
I'll always be there for you through good and bad times,
but I can't be the superwoman that you want me to be
I'll give my everlasting love if you'll return love to me
I'm not your superwoman

I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
and think that everything is okay
Boy I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me

Oh!!! If you feel it in your heart and you understand me,
stop right where you are, everybody sing along with me!
I'm the kind of girl that can treat you so sweet,
but you got to realize that you got to be sweeter to me
I need love, I need just your love, I'm not your superwoman

Were We That Easy To Forget?

2010-06-29T17:10:00.001+08:00

Things Are Never What They Seem

2010-06-29T16:54:00.000+08:00

things are NEVER what they seem.

i don't want to see things the same way again after 110610.

things are NEVER what they seem.

only true genuine ones would understand this.

things are NEVER what they seem.

for if they were, life would have been perfect.

and everyone knows, there is nothing perfect except Him.

wallahualam.

Write & I Shall Heal

You Know It's Bad When You Can't Even Cry It Out

2010-06-29T16:22:00.001+08:00

SubhanAllah.

It's been a true emotional roller-coaster these last 2 weeks.
Been to the bottom of an endless chasm.

My body was in so much shock that it didn't have any fluid to turn it into tears.
Since the discoveries, I haven't cried a tear.
That, to me, isn't good.

No matter how macho - eh, macho plak - no matter how strong we think we are, crying it out helps.
But I haven't managed to do that.
Emotional amputation?

People thought I was a tough cookie
But in actuality, I am only human.
I crashed.
Almost thought that was the end of me.

Only God can present me with such challenge and only He can help me heal.
Only He can make things happen... or not.

The one thing that keeps my sanity and keeps me at peace is when I am with Him.
I have done so many mistakes in my life, might have abandoned Him along the way, too.
For that, I am embarrassed.

I cry even when I am asleep but I can never see the tears.

Today, another 'news' came in.

MasyaAllah.

Write & I Shall Heal.

Take It From Here - Skeptically

2010-06-29T15:03:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, sometimes the world gets hard

Oh na na na
I'm gonna take it from there girl
Don't you worry

I wanna be your lake or your bay
And any problems that you have
I wanna wash 'em away
I wanna be your sky
So blue and high
And everytime you think of me
I wanna blow your mind

I wanna be your air
So sweet and fair
So when you feel that you can't breathe
Ma, I'll be there

I wanna be your answer, all the time
When you see how I put your life before mine
With no question

When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry, girl
I'm gonna take it from here
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry, girl
I'm gonna take it from here

I wanna hold your hands
Review all your plans
I wanna make sure everyone of your dreams will stand
I wanna be your broadway show on review
(Why)
So I can act out how God was when he made you
I wanna be your lighthouse when you get lost
I'll light a bright and shining path to help you across
I wanna be your mother, wait
See what I see
And when you see that can't nobody hold you like me
Cause I love you

When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry, girl
I'm gonna take it from here
(Take it from here, baby)
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry, girl (no no)
I'm gonna take it from here

And when there's no one there to hold
And you realize the world is cold
Don't worry, girl
I'm gonna take it from here
That's what I'm gonna do
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
(Don't you worry, baby girl, baby girl)
Don't worry, girl
(Baby girl)
I'm gonna take it from here
(I'll take you whereever you want)

Give me one reason why we should not be leaving
This world is so deceiving, the time is now
Let's fly away speeding
Through the Garden of Eden
Where all the sweet breathing of love surrounds

When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry, girl
I'm gonna take it from here
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry, girl (no no)
I'm gonna take it from here

Give me one reason
Why we should not be leaving
This world is so deceiving
The time is now
Lets fly away speeding
(We'll fly away)
Through the Garden of Eden
Where all the sweet and breathing
Of love surrounds
(Lets get away)

When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry, girl
I'm gonna take it from here
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry, girl
I'm gonna take it from here
(I got somethin' I wanna tell ya baby)

Love ain't always the way they write in books
(No, no)
See there's the good guys
And also heartbreak crooks
Your hearts the real book
Just take a look inside
'Cause it's a colorful illustrated guide

So there you go
Don't worry
I'll be the one
To help you weather the storm
I'll be there mami
No matter what time
No matter what place
You can always count on me
I'll take it from here

I accidentally came across this song ‘Take It From Here’ by Justin Timberlake last night.
Haven't heard the tune, yet, though. Just read the lyrics.

Don't you just wish that somebody was actually writing this song FOR YOU?

Then again, I've become very sceptical of anything nice nowadays.
I don't believe AT ALL that there are men - dead or alive - who can be this sweet, understand these words, could write such song for a girl - sober or drunk! (then again, when you're intoxicated, anything is possible, so I was told!)

I am hopelessly romantic at heart.
Hopelessly.

If merajuk, I do expect to be pujuk like no tomorrow.
That's how hopeless, I am.

Slalu berangan all the sweet things that a man would never do for me.
S-E-L-A-L-U!
Of course I know for one, none of the things I berangan will ever come true.
1. Because men are naturally KAYU to the max!
2. If not, tak de la namanyeh berangan, kan! :p

I am very old-school when it comes to falling in love.
Love the feeling but it sux, too.

I love like there's no tomorrow but of course I get hurt like no tomorrow, too.
Love comes before anything, because I believe without it, life would not meaning anything.
Love for God.
Love for yourself.
Love for your family.
Your siblings.
Your friends. Real friends.

I am a very one-man woman.
I am silly when it comes to this.
Very traditional. Sometimes, stupid jugak when I think of it.
Y'know those kinda crap "no fun without you" BS!
That's why I say I am silly when I am in love!

Almost everything in life... I learn the hard way.
And, I reckon nothing's gonna change.

Learning love the hard way is just an understatement of the definition for the word "hard".

Write & I Shall Heal.

Vanilla Twilight

2010-06-29T14:51:00.000+08:00

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

2010-06-28T18:19:00.000+08:00

Ask, And You Shall Receive

2010-06-28T17:51:00.000+08:00

when you are in distress or suffering from anxiety:
Hadith #599 narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas in Sunan Abu Dawood, The Prophet (pbuh) said:

if anyone continually asks pardon, Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress, and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide for him from where he did not reckon