When Sleeping Together Is Too Cute

 

“OK, lemme think whether it’s right for a 4-month old to sleep with a 3-month old…”

 

“What do you think, MommaJett?”

 

“Hey, you… what do you think? Is it OK that we share a pillow?”

 

“OK, enough thinking already… Come, let’s just sleep. Not like we’re gonna do anything, just hold hands…”

 

“I said hold hands! Not put your hands across my face!” ;p

The (Li’l) Faces That Make Me Happy

 

“Hey, mom… I think MommaJett is taking MY picture…. errm, not yours…”

Doesn’t Ayesha look like she is dancing in this photo?

“To the right, to the left… C’mon everyone….” 

“Can we have some music here, please?” 

“Hey, do you wanna dance with me, too?”

 

“OK, all together now… move your shoulder to the right… to the left…. shake your body, too”

26072010

 

Abang – ironically who is actually my baby brother – celebrated his 22nd birthday recently.

Like father, like son… hopefully not! ;)

Abang wanted western food steak... So, his 22nd birthday dinner was  at Senses, Hilton. I was happy not to be the organizer this time, only the cake provider!

Nana did all the booking and inviting, methinks. Well-done, Na.

No, that wasn’t the ‘peace’ sign.

It was for 22! :)

 

Hope you had  a good one, Abang! xox

I Miss You Choo-Choo Train

to be quite honest, i miss my old blog The Choo-Choo Train That Never Stops.

Yesterday was The Choo-Choo Train That Never Stops’ 5th birthday and i missed it.

i went through some of the postings a while ago.

i surely had written A LOT on love, on life, on friendship, almost everything under the sun.

(was even impressed  stunned that I could write those beautiful entries! wow!)

and the pictures, are simply priceless.

there were entries where only he had commented on.

and The Choo-Choo Train That Never Stop brought us together.

 

God, i really miss The Choo-Choo Train That Never Stop.

happy 5th birthday, my beloved.

Happy Birthday, Bro

My baby brother is 22 today.
(I can't even remember what my 22nd year was like)

Abang, hope it'll be a super-terrific 22 for you & fabulous 365 days ahead!
Love you lots, always.

Wonderful Weekend To You & Me

Saw these two last weekend.




I enjoyed Despicable Me very much.
From now on, I'm going to call Ayesha 'Agnes'
Go watch the movie to know why! ;)

(I just won't allow her to believe in unicorn or to even like unicorns! ;p there is one particular unicorn which I hate most, btw! Unicorns, like mermaids, are myth.)


I'm looking forward to a fun nice weekend, insyaAllah.
Wishing that you have a happy one, too.
InsyaAllah :)

Diamonds – Do I Have To Say More?

 

Lately, I have this strange urge to buy...erm, diamond.

OK, it is the MOST ridiculous thing to purchase EVEN under the pretext of healing a broken heart, OK I get it! :p

But, some feelings - like love & hate - you simply cannot resist (you know I'm just trying my luck to convince you and justify my unusual desire, right? :p :p)

I even have a particular diamond ring - of course! - in my head that I want to buy but I think this 'imaginary' diamond ring of mine is custom-made.

No jeweller would have it.

Anyhow, one of the jewellery shops in my office building is having their 55th Anniversary promotion now and almost everything in the shop is up to 70%(YES! SEVENTY percent!) off!

I didn't know it until I dared myself to walk into the shop and fought against one half of me which kept saying, "you know you are going to regret it if you walk into the shop! you know it"

If men can't resist sexy women, I can't resist myself from walking into a jewellery shop especially when I have been having this urge to buy diamond!

Imagine, for a ring that would have cost you RM12K+++, after 70% discount… it would be about RM3K++

Even I’m not good with math KNOW that, that is a damn good bargain.

Come, buy diamond WRITE & YOU SHALL HEAL! :p

(but if you see something super-shiny on my index finger one of these days, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you, OK! :p  Hey, if no one would buy you diamonds, YOU deserve to buy ‘em yourself OK!)

My Doa For You

My doa is that NO ONE will ever feel the sadness I felt recently.

It is too unbearable, I really pray NO ONE will ever have to go through that state of sadness.

Although the feeling revisits me every now and then these days, I am fighting it my utmost best, so it won't bring me down as it did before.

Thank you so very much to all my friends - and strangers alike - for all your support and well-wishes.
Only Allah can repay your kind thoughts for me.

Meet In Tha Middle

We fuss we fight your fault my fault
we was on the same team least thats what i thought
we both participated only i got caught
now we hardly conversatin' baby, we don't talk
it was fun at first, you can't say im wrong
now you wanna talk about it? too late, im gone
your mad at me cos i dont wanna play your games
i ain't perfect but imma do my thing
we gotta meet in the middle

you here im there,
tell me whats the sence in me trying if you dont care?
this relationship is heading to who knows where
that means one of us got to chose, because
you hurt me, and i hurt you,
you complain about the things that i dont do
i dont wanna take the blame neither do you,
because we got too much to loose

we gotta meet in the middle
meet in the middle
we gotta gotta meet in the middle
gotta compromise
baby don't analyse
we need to see eye to eye, so lets meet in the middle
we gotta meet in the middle
we gotta gotta meet in the middle
we gotta compromise
we gotta work it out this time
we need to see eye to eye
so lets meet in the middle

We got somethin we can't enjoy
im sick of you tryin to play with me like i'm your toy
hm,
you tried to run game i saw,
we gotta lotta issues you got yours, we gotta meet in the middle
you cant talk that shit,
you cant travel to the future if you walk backwards
once you walk out the door, you cant walk back in
we gotta find a way to solve it, think about our kids
cos they in the middle
you wanna sing that song?
you want me to cop that plead and say ok im wrong?
things are gettin heavy but i gotta stay strong
i try to talk it over with you when i coulda been gone because
you hurt me, and i hurt you,
you complain about the things that i dont do
and i dont wanna take the blame neither do you
because we got too much to loose

we gotta meet in the middle
meet in the middle
we gotta gotta meet in the middle
gotta compromise
baby don't analyse
we need to see eye to eye, so lets meet in the middle
we gotta meet in the middle
we gotta gotta meet in the middle
we gotta compromise
we gotta work it out this time
we need to see eye to eye
so lets meet in the middle

i told you once, i told you twice
and now my shoulders cold, like a block of ice
you playin games like you rollin dice
hey what you know about sacrifice?
baby ive been in the middle..
ive been givin you more than a little
had the ball then you double dribble
i guess that love is a riddle..
you never listen i dont ever get my point across
i washed ya dirty draws, you out with dirty broads
you did me dirty dawg, cos yous a dirty dog,
its a quit n call, and i aint mad at all
i gave you more than you deserve, i was worth it all
bottom line i hope you find what you searchin for
you hurt me, said i hurt you
and i complain about the things that you dont do
and i dont wanna take the blame neither do you
we got too much to lose...

we gotta meet in the middle
meet in the middle
we gotta gotta meet in the middle
gotta compramise
baby don't analyse
we need to see eye to eye, so lets meet in the middle
we gotta meet in the middle
we gotta gotta meet in the middle
we gotta compromise
we gotta work it out this time
we need to see eye to eye
so lets meet in the middle



-----------


Did Timbaland had ME in mind when he wrote this song? :p

Healing The Heart = Crashing The Bank Account!

 

The road to recovery is full of retail therapy

And I’m not complaining! =)

TUMI makes nice bags

Nice bags make me smile

 

The only purchase I regretted so much this weekend was that black T from British India!

What the heck are people in British India thinking when they did the pricing for that black T???

It’s as obscene as pricing nasik lemak + telor rebus separuh + 5 bijik kacang + 3 ikan bilis + 2 helai kangkong at RM18.90, OK!!!

 

Next target is that marroon Mary Jane from Ferragamo!

After 50% discount pun still can’t afford to buy it now…

Do people get mid-year bonus? ;p ;p ;p

Love The Way You Lie

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 1 - Eminem]
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight all I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight

High off of love, drunk from my hate
It's like I'm huffin' paint and I love her
The more I suffer, I suffocate
Right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates
Me, she fuckin' hates me and I love it, Wait!
Where you going? I'm leaving you.
No you ain't. Come back. We're running right back

Here we go again, it's so insane
'Cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind in his back
She's Lois Lane, but when it's bad, it's awful
I feel so ashamed, I snapped, "Who's that dude?"
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 2 - Eminem]
You ever love somebody so much,
you could barely breathe when you with 'em?
You meet, and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah, them chills, used to get 'em
Now you gettin' fuckin' sick of lookin' at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit 'em
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're with 'em

It's the fate that took over, it controls you both
So they say, you're best to go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know you 'cause today,
That was yesterday, yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over
But you promised her, next time you'd show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it "window pane"

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 3 - Eminem]
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded

Baby, please come back, it wasn't you, Baby, it was me.
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won't be no next time
I apologize, even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games, I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again,
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm just gonna

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie


------------


Never really liked Eminem - he's a white boy trying so hard to be black? - but this is one awesome song.

Btw, if you can't believe 'em, just love the way they lie.

Syukur Alhamdulillah

albeit the hardship and the tough time i'm struggling to cope with
He sends me down more endless blessings.

thank you so much for my rezeki.
thank you so much for everything that i am.
that i have today.
that i won't have tomorrow.
that i didn't have yesterday.
that you shall give in the future.
and, those you're going to take.

no words can describe my indebtedness.
i am tremendously humbled.
syukur alhamdulillah.

Read & You'll Know How To Cope

I was in BORDERS a couple of days back.
Had to look for some parenting book for the li'l sister.

When I passed by the Self-Improvement shelf, this book was shouting at me!

I haven't finished reading it yet but so far... it is so spot-on.

The best investment for this month. Really.

1580 Days

That's too long a time to just brush aside
Too long a time to simply be forgotten

... and they live happily ever after ...

Nowadays, whenever I see a happy-looking couple holding hands walking by me, I say a prayer for them.

It's just a nice feeling.

After all, if happiness can't be yours, doesn't mean it is not anyone else's. :)

Pupus.

Aku tak mengerti
Apa yang ku rasa
Rindu yang tak pernah
Begitu hebatnya
Aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tahu
Meski kau tak'kan pernah tahu

Aku persembahkan hidupku untukmu
Telah kurelakan hatiku padamu
Namun kau masih bisu
Diam seribu bahasa
Dan hati kecilku bicara

Baru ku sadari
Cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan
Kau buat remuk seluruh hatiku

Semoga waktu akan mengilhami
sisi hatimu yang beku
Semoga akan datang keajaiban
Hingga akhirnya kau pun mau

Aku mencintaimu
Lebih dari yang kau tahu
Meski kau tak'kan pernah tahu


-----------


Now, I know why this has always been my song.

Exactly A Month Ago

All this while I told Allah, that He is the only one that can take care of my wary heart
That if he was being untrue to me, Allah will one day show it to me of his (dis)honesty
Exactly a month ago
Allah, the Al-Mighty, the Only One that knows it all, the Only One that knows everything, from the hidden and those of not, showed me what I have been praying for.
I was presented this huge challenge
And I redha.
Along our lives, we might have abandoned Him once too many
And for that I am tremendously humiliated. Embarrassed.
I wouldn't question His decision and justification for Allah only does things with good intentions
But I wouldn't have a clue how to cope with the challenge or how to hande it if it wasn't for Him, either

Exactly a month ago
He had presented me the proof before my eyes
The things I needed know to judge what these last 4 and a half years have been
I still don't know what to do with it
And only He knows best.

Exactly a month ago
I knew what I've been wanting to know
And all the while I thought it was unpretentious.
And I was wrong.

Exactly a month ago
I finally knew that you were untrue.
Not even to yourself.
And that is the saddest part of it.

Exactly a month ago.
I set my heart never to trust again
But only in Allah, I shall place my trust
For there is no power or might that is greater than Allah's.

Exactly a month ago.
I was left with a scar that shall remain for the rest of my life.
And if nothing prevails, that will be the only thing you have ever given me.

Write & I Shall Heal.

Defying 3 New Shoes

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you won't bring me down!
bring me down!


--------------


Thanks for the company tonight. :)
Your lateness meant 3 pairs of new shoes for me :)
Next time, can we have dinner at KLCC, maybe?
There's Ferragamo in KLCC *grin*

Where Do You Find These People, Lorr!?

Interview - Candidate Three

Yours truly: ... so, do you know Krispy Kreme? ...

Candidate Three: ... yah... yah...

Yours truly: ... have you tried any of our products? ...

Candidate Three: ... yah... yah...

Yours truly: ... how did you find them? ...

Candidate Three: ... i didn't find. my friend buy the doughnut, I taste only lorr...

Yours truly almost wanted to say, "Yeah, I don't expect you to find Krispy Kreme products by the roadside, right?"

Yours truly is running out of patience.

Then, You Are Not The One

If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me, then why does this distance name my life?
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with

And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss your body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breath you into my heart
And I pray for the strength to stand today

'Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And though my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?


-----------


Got meh, guys who are so jiwang like this? :p

Original: ...Learn Slowly, Ok...

Tuesday, January 30, 2007
...Learn Slowly, Ok...
How do you learn to trust again?
Slowly but surely?
When does it go away?
All doubts , suspicion , wariness.

How do you learn to trust again?
You isolate yourself hence you won’t get hurt?
When does the grief fade away?
The wish that it could’ve been deleted in your diary.

How do you learn to trust again?
The voice of your head echoes to give the gut
The voice of your heart weeps once in a while
Trust.
It changes everything.
Everything.

How do you learn to trust again?
Posted by Angelita Atractivo at 3:33:00 AM


-------

this was also from The Choo-Choo Train That Never Stops.
so, i had been hurt once too many.

Original: Uptight Apetite

Friday, January 12, 2007
Uptight Appetite
I got my appetite back since Koh-Oh-Samui?
You think so?
I dunno.
I did lose some pounds, I guess.
That was because of your Sept 13th dinner.

Please don’t spoil my appetite again.
Please?

Of course you know how not to.
Just no repetition of a moron’s act.
i.e. a dinner with another when you’ve “never been happier”
A special 12-year old scotch present shiite.
You know the rest.

I can find a strand in a fantastis pineapple juice.
I would very much hate it if I were to find out another antic.
I am not up for another test.

Please don’t spoil my appetite again.
Please.
Posted by Angelita Atractivo at 10:59:00 PM


-------


this was from The Choo-Choo Train That Never Stops.
oh, i do write well :p

home is where the heart is

three years flew so fast.
i have lived 3 years under that roof.
that is my home.
that is where i belong.

three years flew so fast.
the place i called home has seen so much.
so much of me.
of me in times of happiness.
and otherwise.

three years flew so fast.
the so many dishes i had enjoyed cooking in that little kitchen i designed my own.
the swing only i had, i have it on the balcony.
every little touch i had for the place i called home, were touches of love.
love for the place i call home.

three years flew so fast.
thank you God for the home i have the last three years.

Scarred For Life

someone told me this yesterday...

"never belittle your spouse in any circumstances. coz words can't be taken back. it will scar forever"

never belittle your spouse under any circumstance.
not even "just one of those conversations"
not even when you're extremely angry or frustrated.

it will scar forever.
for ever.

SubhanAllah.

Is Can'ts Stands This Anymores!

Interview - Candidate Two

Yours truly: ... while I go through your resume, tell me something about yourself that isn't on the paper...

Candidate Two: ... errm, Is comes froms Kepongs...

Yours truly: *had a hard time trying NOT to laugh* so, what do you know about the brand?

Candidate Two: ... errmm, Krispys Kremes is news ins Malaysias...

Yours truly: *struggling to maintain a straight face* ... erm, how many Malaysias are there in the world?

Candidate Two gave the Interviewer a sinister look as if the Interviewer didn't know that there is ONLY ONE Malaysia in the entire planet!



Writes & Is Shalls Heals!

I Don't Have Market!

Interview - Candidate One

Yours truly: ... so, tell me something about yourself that is not on the paper... *smile*

Candidate One: *thinking hard, with eyes shut*

*silence*

1 minute 59 seconds later, yours truly couldn't tahan to waste time for an answer

Yours truly: ... y'know you can tell me anything... your hobby... your favorite color... anything... *still similing*

Candidate One: *still not saying anything, stared back at the Interviewer as if she was speaking in an alien language*

1 minute 57 seconds later...

Yours truly: ... still can't say anything about yourself that is not on the paper? ... *pause*

Candidate One: *unresponsive*

Yours truly: ... how do you want to market a brand when you can't even market yourself?

Candidate One: *blink, blink, blink - indicating to the Interviewer that she had something to say now*.... i don't have market.


Yours truly couldn't help it but to comment:
"of course you don't. Taman Tun has a market"

:)


Write & I Shall ... errm, Have Market? :p

Sometimes, Love Just Ain't Enough *sigh*

I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side. I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

If Only I Have The Courage To Do This

I bust the windows out your car
And no, it didn't mend my broken heart
I'll probably always have these ugly scars
But right now, I don't care about that part

I bust the windows out your car
After I saw you laying next to her
I didn't wanna but I took my turn
I'm glad I did it 'cause you had to learn

I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you'd feel when you saw it
I didn't know that I had that much strength
But I'm glad you see what happens when

You see you can't just play with people's feelings
Tell them you love them and don't mean it
You'll probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile

I bust the windows out your car
You know I did it 'cause I left my mark
Wrote my initials with a crowbar
And then I drove up into the dark

I bust the windows out your car
You should feel lucky that was all I did
After 5 whole years of this bull****
Gave you all of me and you played with it

I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you'd feel when you saw it
I didnkt know that I had that much strength
But I'm glad you see what happens when

You see you can't just play with people's feelings
Tell them you love them and don't mean it
You probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile

[Incomprehensible] out your car
But it don't come back to my broken heart
You could never feel how I felt that day
Until it happens, baby, you don't know pain

Oh yeah, I did it, you should know it
I ain't sorry, you deserved it
After what you did to me
You deserved it, I ain?t sorry no, no

You broke my heart, so I broke your car
You caused me pain, so I did the same
Even though what you did to me was much worse
I had to do something to make you hurt

Oh, but why am I still crying?
Why am I the one who's still crying?
Oh, oh, you really hurt me, baby
You really, really hurt me, baby

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Now, watch me you
Now, watch me you
I bust the windows out your car

A Passage from Dua Kumayl

“But now I have turned to Thee, my Lord, after being guilty of omissions and transgressions against my soul, apologetically, repentantly, broken heartedly, entreating earnestly for forgiveness, yieldingly confessing (to my guilt), as I can find no escape from that which was done by me and having no refuge to which I could turn except seeking Thy acceptance of my excuse and admitting me into the realm of Thy capacious mercy.

O Allah! Accept my apology and have pity on my intense sufferings and set me free from my heavy fetters (of evil deeds).

My Nourisher! Have mercy on the infirmity of my body, the delicacy of my skin and the brittleness of my bones.

O’ Thou! Who originated my creation and (accorded me) my individuality, and (ensured) my upbringing and welfare (and provided) my sustenance (I beg Thee) to restore Thy favours and blessings upon me as Thou didst in the beginning of my life.

O’ my God! My Master! My Lord! And my Nourisher! What! Wilt Thou see me punished with the fire kindled by Thee despite my belief in Thy unity? And despite the fact that my heart has been filled with (pure) knowledge of Thee and when my tongue has repeatedly praised Thee and my conscience has acknowledged Thy love and despite my sincere confessions (of my sins) and my humble entreaties submissively made to Thy divinity?

Nay, Thou art far too kind and generous to torment one whom thyself nourished and supported, or to drive away from Thyself one whom Thou has kept under Thy protection, or to scare away one whom Thy self hast given shelter, or to abandon in affliction one Thou hast maintained and to whom Thou hast been merciful.

I wish I had known o’ my Master, my God and my Lord! Wilt Thou inflict fire upon faces which have submissively bowed in prostration to Thy greatness, or upon the tongues which have sincerely confirmed Thy unity and have always expressed gratitude to Thee, or upon hearts which have acknowledged Thy divinity with conviction, or upon the minds which accumulated so much knowledge of Thee until they became submissive to Thee, or upon the limbs which strove, at the places appointed for Thy worship, to adore Thee willingly and seek Thy forgiveness submissively?

Such sort (of harshness) is not expected from Thee as it is remote from Thy grace, O’ Generous One!

O’ Lord! Thou art aware of my weakness to bear even a minor affliction of this world and its consequence and adversity affecting the denizen of this earth, although such afflictions are momentary, short-lived and transient.

How then can I bear the retributions and the punishments of the hereafter which are enormous and of intensive sufferings, of prolonged period and perpetual duration, and which shall never be alleviated for those who deserve the same as those retributions will be the result of Thy wrath; and Thy punishment which neither the heavens nor the earth can withstand and bear!

My Lord! How can I, a weak, insignificant, humble, poor and destitute creature of Thine be able to bear them?

O’ my God! My Lord! My King! And Master! Which of the matters shall I complain to Thee and for which of them shall I bewail and weep?

Shall I bewail for the pains and pangs of the punishment and their intensity or for the length of sufferings and their duration?

Therefore (my Lord!) If Thou wilt subject me to the penalties (of hell) in company of Thy enemies and cast me with those who merited Thy punishments and tear me apart from Thy friends and those who will be near to Thee, then my God, my Lord and my Master, though I may patiently bear Thy punishments, how can I endure separation from Thee?

If I may be able to patiently endure the scorching fire of Thy hell, yet how can I endure not gazing upon Thy generosity? How can I remain in the fire while I have hopes of Thy forgiveness?

O’ my Lord! By Thy honour truly do I swear that, if Thou wilt allow my power of speech to be retained by me in the hell, I shall amongst its inmates cry out bewailingly unto Thee like the cry of those who have faith in Thy kindness and compassion.

And I shall bemoan for Thee (for being deprived of nearness to Thee) the lamentation of those who are bereaved, and I shall keep on calling unto Thee:

“Where art Thou O’ Friend of the believers! [Ya Waliyal Momineen]

O’ (Thou who art) the last resort and the ultimate goal of those who acknowledge Thee [Ya Ghayata Aamalil 'Aarefeen];

O’ Thou who art the helper of those seeking help! [Ya Ghiyathal Mustaghetheen]

O’ Thou who art dear to the hearts of those who truly believe in Thee! [Ya Habiba Quloobis Sadeqeen]

And O’ Thou who art the Lord of the universe [Ya Ilahal 'Aalameen].”

My Lord! Glory and praise be to Thee, wouldst Thou (wish) to be seen (disregarding) the voice of Thy slave, incarcerated therein (the hell) for his disobedience and imprisoned within its pits for his evildoings and misdeeds, crying out to Thee the utterance of one who has faith in Thy mercy and calling out to Thee in the language of those who believe in Thy Tawheed [the One, the Creator, the Nourisher, the Accomplisher, and the Protector of the entire existence] and seeking to approach Thee by means of Thy Lordship?

My Lord! Then how could he remain in torments when he hopefully relies upon Thy past forbearance, compassion and mercy?

And how can the fire cause him suffering when he hopes for Thy grace and mercy and how can its roaring flames burn him when Thou hearest his voice and sees his plight? And how can he withstand its roaring flames when Thou knowest his frailness? And how can he be tossed about between its layers when Thou knowest his sincerity? And how can the guards of hell threaten him when he calls out to Thee?

“My Lord”, and how would Thou abandon him therein (the hell) when he has faith in Thy Grace to set him free?

Alas! That is not the concept (held by us) of Thee nor has Thy Grace such a reputation nor does it resemble that which Thou hast awarded by Thy kindness and generosity to those who believe in Thy Tawheed.

I definitely conclude that hadst Thou not ordained punishment for those who disbelieved in Thee, and hadst Thou not decreed Thy enemies to remain in hell, Thou wouldst have made the hell cold and peaceful and there would never have been an abode or place for any one in it; but sanctified be Thy Names, Thou hast sworn to fill the hell with the disbelievers from amongst the jinns and hummankind together and to place forever Thy enemies therein.

And Thou, exalted be Thy praises, hadst made manifest, out of Thy generosity and kindness, that ‘the one who has submitted is not equal to the one who has not.’

My Lord! My Master! I, therefore implore Thee by that power which Thou determineth and by the decree which Thou hast finalised and ordained whereby Thou hath prevailed upon whom Thou hast imposed it, to bestow upon me this night and this very hour the forgiveness for all the transgressions that I have been guilty of, for all the sins that I have committed, for all the loathsome acts that I have kept secret and for all the evils done by me, secretly or openly, in concealment or outwardly and for every evil action that Thou hast ordered the two noble scribes to confirm whom Thou hast appointed to record all my actions and to be witnesses over me along with the limbs of my body, whilst Thou observeth over me besides them and wast witness to those acts concealed from them? Which Thou in Thy mercy hast kept secret and through Thy kindness unexposed.

And I pray to Thee to make my share plentiful in all the good that Thou dost bestow; in all the favours that Thou dost grant; and in all the virtues that Thou dost allow to be known everywhere; and in all the sustenance and livelihood that Thou dost expand and in respect of all the sins that Thou dost forgive and the wrongs that Thou dost cover up.

O’ Lord! O’ Lord! O’ Lord! O’ my God! My Lord! My Master! O’ Owner of my existence! O’ Thou who holdeth my destiny and who art aware of my suffering and poverty, O’ Thou who knoweth my destitution and starvation, o’ my Lord! O’ Lord, o’ Lord!

I beseech Thee by Thy glory and Thy honour, by Thy supremely high attributes and by Thy names to cause me to utilise my time, day and night, in Thy remembrance, by engaging myself in serving Thee (Thy cause) and to let my deeds be such as to be acceptable to Thee, so much so that all my actions and offerings (prayers) may be transformed into one continuous and sustained effort and my life may take the form of constant and perpetual service to Thee [wird'un waahida=unified litany].

O’ my Master! O’ Thou upon Whom I rely! O’ Thou unto Whom I express my distress! O’ my Lord! My Lord! My Lord! Strengthen my limbs for Thy service and sustain the strength of my hands to persevere in Thy service and bestow upon me the eagerness to fear Thee [Khash-yatik - internalizing His Presence in the heart] and unceasing continuity to serve Thee.

So that I may lead myself towards Thee in the field with those who are in the fore-rank and be swift towards Thee among those who hasten towards Thee and urge eagerly to be near Thee and draw myself towards Thee like them who sincerely draw themselves towards Thee and to fear Thee like the fear of those who believe firmly in Thee and thus I may join the congregation of the faithful congregated near Thee (for protection).”